If you drink you will never thirst again! +

If you drink you will never thirst again! +
Drink from the water of Life, Love, your friend, Jesus <3

Friday, March 25, 2011

Listen doc, if you can't understand at least be understandING! darn ;(

Let's start at the very beginning but first how many of you actually went home and wrote yourself that letter?
I did it and it should be in my email and on its way back to me if they are not still using the pony express! lol ;)
This is very important because you will see in many cases this is gonna be a new beginning for you! Trust me please!

I don't remember a day in my life when the task for the day was to see how Ellen was feeling! My mom would always go Honey can I get you somthing? Yesm, you can get me a new body! NOW would be good for me!

In the beginning I must have been born sick because I had tonsilitis a lot when I was a little girl and some I think I was still a baby! I still don't have my tonsils out and I have sung in Christmas & Easter cantatas, I am talking the high part! Somehow I got through it the singing part anyway! This is not bragadoious or anything cause what is is what is! Now, hold your ears real tight cause I am gonna sing some opera for you! lol No really, I studied opera for 41/2 years while I was carrying our first child Bless her heart she was as they say a very captive audience! lol ; )
This all going back to the part where they still weren't able to catch me long enough to have my tonsils removed!
I had a beautiful voice teacher and she had the honor of being one of the youngest ones to be accepted into the Metropolitan Opera! She was also a spy in the war and don't get too upset yet, she was working for the good guys!
My teacher had a very rich life and history and she was a joy to work with!
When I would tell her, Laura I am hurting so bad because I've been trying to get everything ready for the baby!
She goes I know dear there is a lot to do when you are getting ready to bring home a baby! Do me a favor and *sing through the pain* !!!
Even when she did not understand, she knew how to be understandING! She has always been the epitome of such a sweet understanding person, I need her now!
No one in my family understands but they try to be loving in their own way! Even so, if I say I can't one of them comes back with a smart remark about the word can't!

The word *can't* has never been in my vocbulary either but when Fibromyalgia came to stay he changed things a lot! He also brought with him his buddies, Chronic Fatigue, Immune Disorder Disease and Lupus! They brought along buddies too Where, in the hinghang am I gonna put everybody? hmm:]P whew!
Irritable Bowl Syndrome and his brother, Degenerative Disk Disease came along for the party well so to speak! "Lookie here you guys no one invited yall to the party as you say, so why don't yall stay here and I will move away!" I am sorry to say these uninvited guests have moved in to stay and it looks like they have no plans of getting their own place!
So now I am stuck everyday to waking up with a house full of nasty hateful unrelenting and mean to the core guests! They're all meaner than a junk yard dog grrrr(Help Elllen get her coffee)
What do you mean you and Chronic Fatigue had other things that yall wanted to do? Yeah I bet, I'm telling yall you better choose cause someone has to help Ellen get her that coffee like now is good for me! Let IBS do it he spends all of his time in the bathroom and hardly gives anyone a chance to get in there!
No DDD can't get it because everytime he tries to walk he loses his balance and has already fallen just the other day the 23rd of March! What on Earth
do you mean can you have some of what I am drinking? I don't drink anything but water and coffee and tea so don't go all smarty britches on me! 
Note to self:I gotta go get some breakfast and have my quite time!
brb ok <3 U hon!
Ok I'm back now and wanting to share some more with you that I hope will be important! (Before I forget try to write that letter to you know who! lol)
I am just wondering how many things we still have in us that might should have been taken out and was not?
Still have my tonsils for what that might be worth! Boy, it's seems like the more I know the more I know I don't know!
Was that as clear as mud, well I think you get the picture!
I am gonna check this now and find out how I need to rework it or whatever!
brb in just a little while!

Ok, I'm back now! There is no chance in heck of me getting my tonsils out now!
However, just to get you updated, remember that I have been on a Gluten-Free diet since March 7, 2011, I have to tell you something! The day after I started the diet and dairy free also 
sugar free (I am a registered *sugarholic* so that was a hard one!
So since that time 3-7-11 I have not been plagued by one stomach pain or ache or when I have to go don't have to feel like I am in labor everytime I go! That had been the case all of my life and I am on my soap box telling you if you have IBS go on this diet, you will not be sorry! Don't do it because I reccomended it, do it as a favor to the taking care of YOU! God knows there is precious little of that going on where our dr's are concerned! Now not all dr's are this way, just most of the ones that I have come in contact have been! They wouldn't know understandING if it jumped up on em and bit em in the butt!

Case in point I give you Theodore .........
I took off 2 weeks of my vacation of being Quality Control Billing Clerk for GTE Directories Corp. to try to get well!
Mom set up the appointment for me befive I flew there to stay with them!
Morning of the appointment comes I am as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, trying to get ready in the midst of a panic attack! Mom, I said oh Mom do we have to go, I don't even know him and I am not fond of them anyway! Aww, honey you wanna get well don't you...yesm I am already so tired I think I am going to stop breathing! I finish fixing my face and combing strike that out brushing my hair and away we go to Theodore's haunt I mean office! As I figured Mam I need you to fill out some papers and we want you to fill it out in triplicate since we don't care how you feel, we just want that almighty dollar from you and your insurance! We will call you as *soon* as the dr can see you and it might be a while cause had an emergency this morning! Excuse me already and it is not hardly daylight! Then I said out loud, yes mam do you have a pen I can borrow? Thank you!
4 hours later enter: Theodore you have got to be kidding me kid I don't think so Mom let's go! Then I said out loud, nice to meet you too I need you stop my pain yesterday and I am having trouble walking on my hind legs! Well, get up here on my table and...am gonna do that *HOW???*  Do you realize how high that table is I need help! You can make it just do it and let's see how high I can get your legs to go up to your neck? EEEEEEhhhhh doc what are you doing making me cry like that? You sure are overemotional aren't you? okie dokie you doc you get up here and let me wrap your legs around your neck and see if you don't scream t000! Under my breath, JJJJEEERRRKKK!!!!! Well I was just testing to see how flexible you are and I am trying to help you! OHHH REEEALLLLYYYY! Is that they call it nowadays? Don't help me I didn't come here to die!!! I have to do some more tests *again with tests that I have not studied for* and then we shall see! I'll be back in a little while you and your mom just stay here! An hour later Theodore comes back in the room! Ellen I really don't see anything physically wrong with you! I have studied and all of the tests came back ok! I really think this is all in your head! All in the head huh you really want to give that diagnosis? I am not making this up doc do you think I would make up this much pain and illness if it were up to me? HUH
Frankly, Ellen I personally think that you have a split personality you know schitzoprenic! GRR Theodore you did not
just say what I thought you said!!! grrr
Well Theodore you quack you jerk you
sorry excuse for a human being if that is what you think of me YOU CAN LET MY OTHER HALF PAY YOUR STINKING BILL!!!!!! Where did you get your diploma off the internet? Jerk
Funny I never heard from Theodore anymore and funny thing I never got a bill from Theodore! Alvin come and get Theodore and put him back in his cage!

More yep, but another time and if Bud were here he could share some too!

In a world full of illness, strife and pain there is still PEACE with God! I edited this just a wee bit to fit my #sp00nies and my #foggies needs and all those who have pain of any kind!!! This is off of the book by Billy Graham from his book called "Peace with God"! I just used a little author's license to say what I needed to say!

Until next time dear ones, I bid you peace above all else and pray God's angels to camp round about you!
{\O/} Psalm 91:11 and Psalm 9 and the song "Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin in me! Let me live with my brother and sister in perfect harmony!

May God bless you and keep you til we meet again + Remember I love YOU!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you my Lord and my Savior and Friend!
Needless to say I am not so keen on dr's who are so egotistical that if they can't find an aswer they make something up!
Far be it from them to admit they're only human and sometime dr like Theodore doesn't have all the answers!
Vanna can we buy a clue for Theodore?

In closing I reiterate *If you don't understand at least be understanDING!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

YOU is the understood subject!!! ; )

Dear Spoonies & Foggies and all who are here, I love you! We're gonna sit down a wee bit and we're gonna have a cup of hot tea! ok ok rest your weary head upon my shoulders for I care for you! Leave a comment if you like I love hearing from you and esp if is there is something that is troubling you, tell me all about it, I don't have anything but time for you!

First of all, I want you to scroll up and focus for about 30 seconds on the picture at the beginning of the blog!  Now, I said that to say as you gaze, yes
I said gaze into the blue still waters and feast your eyes on the blue soft skies, notice there are no ripples on the water a picture of peace! Now close your eyes and get that picture in your mind! Take a snapshot of it and save it to your memory! Then come back and we will have a wee cup of tea and after you get comfy and cozy, just want us both to breathe deep!

It has been my experience over many long years of suffering with
Fibromyalgia etc. I think you have already read about what all I have within my body, so I shall go on! I don't remember a day without pain on and on 24/7 & fatigue to the point you afraid you gonna quit breathing! And sometimes on rare occassions you are afraid you're gonna live! I believe there are many of you who are saying gosh she knows what I am going 
through! Because of A-Z, I have had to learn to be creative about how I handle the day I have been given! See, each day is a gift from God! 

Yesterday is history......Tomorrow's a mystery......Today is a gift from God

Please before you get mad at me about hollering, know that I only meant it as a means of emphasizing a particular point! ; ) I don't holler at anyone even if sometime I feel like it! lol  Let me share with you some tips that have helped me savor life a wee bit more each day! I look at it like this; God gave me this day and only this day as my gift my present so do I open it too carefully or do I reflect for just a wee bit and savor my first cup of coffee as I contimplate just what I need to do with my present! You don't know this about me yet, but I said I am not afraid to share anything with anybody because I do care! 
Any ole hoo how, I am just like a kid when it comes to presents and I go at that present like a *frog ona junebug*! Thank you you shouldn't have! 
I take my present and descend on it with both hands after that wrapping paper and tear at it like that is gonna be the very last present I get! Everyone has their own way of opening gifts, I honor that but once in a while dive in head first and get in the deep end of the pool and just begin floating when you come up from the bottom! The sun kisses your skin and you feel the calm and comfort there as you float! Celebrate the kid in you and make that the most beautiful gift you ever received and don't forget to thank God for it!
I operate in the three p's, that is to say Prayer Pioritize Purge! Later dear so I will go on some more then! ; ) 

Bless your heart if you are still here don't mean for it to get to deep but somethings are just important enough to be shared! I accept the gift and say Thank you God! I open it with reckless abandon and then (this is hard cause I have ADHD and as you have seen it was always difficult for me to calm myself)....I am asking you at this time find a comfy chair and your coffee and a quiet place and maybe some peaceful music as you just
*quiet yourself*....meditate on the sights and aromas immanating from your surroundings! Light a candle and let its special fragrance waft over you and just bathe yourself in its light! Now give that day back and dedicate it to the Lord and dedicate that day to you and pledge that you are gonna be the most authentic and real YOU that you can possibly be!

When was the last time you did something good for no one but YOU?

One time I was with friends and I again commited the unpardonable sin! 
You see folks I forgot oops to tell the warden, pardon me, I mean my mother, I can pick on her, but nobody else better say an unkind word to my mother! So here I am playing the part of a nonchalant kid that is off in her own little world and having fun with her friends and not looking at the time! Again with that commiting sins again! Finally (I went away for awhile, but I'm back now!) lol :) I come back to Earth cause it was getting kinda dark and oh my dear Lord in Heaven up above Momma's gonna kill me and sheer panic washed over me Lord have mercy don't let her murderalize me to harshly!
Out of the blue I hear this cry for me, Where are you young lady? I don't need to tell you that was a recognizable voice my mother was on the prowl for one of her strayed wee lambs! Boy when you got called *YOUNG LADY*
it was all over but the shouting! I started to run home as fast as my little legs could carry me and much to my horror mom was coming toward me and she had fire in her eyes and her head looked like it was gonna bust open and out would come two heads that would just gobble me up! Young lady just where pray tell me where in thunderation have you been? I have told you time and time again that you have to ask my permission to go out of the house! 
Whereupon, I love this word and couldn't wait to use it in a sentence, but  digress, she proceeded to spank me in rythm with our walk back to the electric chair, I mean, home! Have...n't... I... told...you...that...I...nev...er... want...you...to...be...out...ta...(folks you get the picture of where I am going with this. I got musical spankings! lol ) & on ad infinitum ad nauseum...my house not un less I give you ex press per miss ion do you hear me is that per fect ly clear? Yes mam, oh please don't beat me!!! Now young la dy I have never beat you and don't plan on it! I care how you turn out and it is my duty as your mother to discipline you so you know right from wrong! And the old proverbial, This is hurting me more than it is you! OOOOHHHHH Really!!! Give me the belt and let's see!!! Then I said out loud, I'm sorry! 
We got home and momma is still as they say, *seething* and just giving me funny looks ever so often as I finished my homework! I was studying in English and the way I was having to learn things was read em out loud to myself!  My mother heard me and said Young lady are you trying to sass me? Well then what did you say, I'm waiting! I said timidly, "You is the understood subject! She and I just busted out laughing! That as always laughter can kinda clear the air! 

I had my reason for sharing that story cause it puts me in mind of the reason that I am writing this blog! 
You is the understood subject! :) Yes, YOU, great, wonderful,sweet, kind gentle, compassionate loving beautiful YOU! I am writing and sharing with you all of the things that I have learned and all the extensive research I have done because it matters to me about YOU my beautiful spoonie and foggie sisters in suffering! My army of "Walking Wounded Warriors" of whose army I am one too! Warriors have to rest too I have a great deal of trouble going to sleep and there is no napping during the daytime but to help myself I just lay or lie down on propped up pillows with some pretty pictures and take  a marker and mark what I would like to buy! All of the pretty colors minister to my mind my heart and my soul and spirit! My favorite color is purple and my grandaugher's favorite color too! Everybody say Awww ;) I don't stay there too long either, just enough that I had to take a load off for just about 30 minutes no cell phones, no home phones, soft music and maybe one of my sugarless chocolates! Breathe Deep, Breathe Deep, Breathe Deep!

Today while you are resting, I want you to sit right down and write yourself a letter I know you're already giggling, but do it! Get your pretty pen and paper to write the letter as if it is coming from your best friend forever! Colored pens work very well and inspire you! Write all the things good things that is imperative good things about yourself that you know your friend would write about you! This is YOU time so take as much time as you need! Finish writin the letter find a nice envelope and place the letter in it seal it and address it to yourself, uhuh to yourself and then go mail it! Trust me you willll forget about it (auga auga auga, the ole fibro fog horn) and then all of a sudden this letter comes in the mail for you and when you open it up it has things that will soothe your heart and soul! Like a surprise gift for that day! ;)

You know how a picture can say a thousand words well watch! 
Let your mind take you places you have always wanted to go! 
I have always wanted to go to Switzerland and unless I get well and take up robbing banks that won't happen! That doesn't matter to me cause I 
can get pictures of Switzerland off the internet and gaze at them and maybe see a slide show of pictures! Savor every little blade of grass, every flower, every mountain, every person that you see in your *picture journey* !
Be greatful for the eyes that you have they may not see as well as they used to but at least you have sight! Also, turn on the radio to those shows where they just talk and your imagination has to dream of things as you hear them! 
Try it you'll like it! :-)

Here's another way to take care of YOU and to see that you are kind to that inner child of the past! Ask for help! You really need to quit trying to do so much on your own! I have to ask for help for a lot of reasons and now I just try to use my sense of humor to solicitate som help! We need each other and what does that song say? People who need people are the luckiest people in the world! I need yall or you all, I say yall cause that was the way I was raised and that is the way most Texans say it!

Be good to YOU.....YOU are the only YOU.....that YOU have.......hugs 2 all my spoonie & foggie family and mostly Gentle Hugs to everyone who reads this info! Thank you ever so for dropping by just a wee bit of time and reading all that I have shared with you!!! God bless yall and God Bless America Again!
Can't tell I'm a Texan can yall? lol rotflol :()
Hugs Love and Prayer to you my friend whether you are a spoonie or a foggie of not because everything about you matters to me! I pray that all I have shared was of some help to at least one someone! I am your friend to the end!
{\O/} Psalm 91:11 Praying for you that God will keep His warrior protecting and ministering angels around you and guard you in all your ways!
Gentle hugs to yall (((((((Yall))))))) You are the understood subject!
*Smile*   *laugh*   *giggle* it is good for you and releases a thingy in the brain that is called *endorphins*  In dorf Ins (natural pain killer) to fight pain and fatigue and all other things that are hard to deal with!
Granted there is nothing to laugh about having these diseases but every day find something to laugh about, life not funny, laugh anyway and help others and find as many people as you can and hug em you know if you got em Hug em while you still have the chance! If you love somone give em their flowes while they can still smell em! Flowers with the fragrance of love grace and tender mercies to all that comes in your path, family and friends! My hubby Bud was gone in a flash but I had no regrets only because we said  I love you every day of our married life and in front of the kids we would kiss! That would grss them out, oh well, I'd do anything for one of Bud's kisses! We tried to teach love by showing love to each other!

Bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill the law of the Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ!

ok ok, I'm tired and I'm going already ok color me gone.....I couldn't sleep anyway and instead of getting mad about #painsomnia which tenses up every muscle in your body and make more pain, I get up make me a cup of tea and watch a movie on netflix or come to the puter and reach out to my family and friends! It is all according to your choices if it is to be, it is up to me! 
Don't forget now sweetie hand write your letter to YOU! I love you!

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Her "church" said:"Throw her out she has lupus and God is punishing her for her sin!

Dear Folks,

I just have to address this! Naw sir this ain't happening NOT on my watch!
I will not let my friend down I am coming to her aid! I love my friends! period!

You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! Or some such thing

I am as mad as a hash waitress looking at a nickel tip! GRRR

I don't have to curse to get my point across there are a lot of wonderful letters in the alphabet that can be put together to make beautiful words! I make no judgements, this is just the way I roll as they say!

You just don't throw people out the church door because they are sick that in of itself is sick if you ask me! My friend has lupus and other things that plague her just like all us spoonies and foggies! They threw her out of the church because since she has Lupus etc. they figure in their narrow little one sided minds that she is being punished for a sin that she has commited!
Scuse me, but horse pucky,I have heard of some crazy hair brained nutso idiotic sick irrational things happening but from a church! Oh come on church wake up! People are not disposable, trash is disposable, not people!

Ok, where do they get off playing God, huh bad portrayal if you ask me!

Yeppers, I said it in the title, they threw her out of the church because she had lupus and they figured in their tiny little narrow minds that God was punishing her with lupus!


My Father & her Father does not operate that way because He says in Jeremiah 29:11 I can't quote it verbatum but look:
For (I AM) know now that the plans(I AM) have for you(my child) are to prosper you(my child) and plans to help you(my child) & never harm you(my child) and to keep you(my child) (protect you with my warrior protecting and ministering angels) in all your(my child) ways!
Have mercy on this wicked old world Lord, those people are of their father the devil and if they got what they deserve for their sin against my friend, well I hate to think!

Lupus, Fibro and all the other invisible illnesses or any other diseases are not given to us by God they are heaped on because of sin against us! Which is to say that bit by bit we are being poisoned by our own Earth! Look at all the additives and preservatives and bleached flour and bleached sugar and the spraying of our land that goes on all the time right under our own noses!

Man has gone over his limit of destroying man and hunting season is over!

How in the world could one man harm another man or woman without counting the cost? Why does man keep turning ON man instead of turning TO man? It is a puzzlement to me to my dying day!???

Folks, I say when reading the labels on food and I recommend reading them all, I have to protect myself and you need to protect yourselves! No one else will do it if not you then who? I say dear folks if you can't pronounce it or you can't read it or you have never heard of it, then I would pass on it! That is my humble opinion! I have even heard that in some ice creams there is lighter fluid aw come on give me a large personal break! Really Really??? But they have
proven it somewhere and I don't smoke neither do I like the taste of lighter fluid! I don't know maybe I'm funny about that but I would call that poison to the system, immune or otherwise!

I believe that all the trouble started out something like this in the food dept.
If you lived like I did way down south and all that good old southern cooking and southern living! Well with us whatever it was ....was fried in lard! Anyone recognize that? Yeppers, my breakfast would consist of fried eggs in bacon grease that might have been setting out all night! Gosh doesn't that sound appetizing? Then some big ole slabs of bacon fried till it was good and crispy! Well you just can't leave without having a big ole pile of grits with lots of sugary syrup on it! While you are using that sugary syrup let's pile you up with some good ole stacks of hot cakes or pancakes or griddle cakes(depending on where you come from)sweet girl now you don't forget yore sugary syrup on that!  Oh my goodness honey you just got to have some of my good ole biscuits with lots o butter slathered all over it! Now honey you eat them biscuits while they are hot because if you don't we can paint em black and put them in the hockey league for their hocky pucks! Sweetie now you run to the ice box and get me some of that good ole sugary blackberry preserves to put on your biscuits! Wash that down with a big ole cup of chickory coffee,(cajun coffee,Seaport)you put a spoon in that stuff and hope to come back with a spoon! lol it was thick that a spoon sometime could stand straight up!
Course now if you like you might rather drink this old cow's milk that has been sitting around all day and we're gonna make clabber out of it in just a little while! Boy now don't that make you hungry for milk, milk nowadays with all the hormones in it gives me joint pains when I drink it cold or any way! Needless to say I don't do not drink milk anymore! I drink Silk! soy milk at Wal-Mart!
(note aside:since I have been on Gluten-Free diet the next day after I started have not had one pain like labor in my gut or tummy and that was the story of my life since I was a little girl! Praise The Lord!!!)

Folks it is up to us to be careful that we watch  what we allow to be put in our mouths, that head can shake two ways, either yes or no, not maybe, there is no shake for maybe! Everything starts with your elbow!
I said that to say this: The elbow connected to the wrist and the wrist connected to the hand and the hand is connected to the fingers and the fingers is connected to the spoon and the spoon is connected to the plate and the plate is connected to the table! Take your little spoon and scoop up what's good for you and make your elbow bend to bring the hand and wrists up to your face and open wide and put it in your mouth, chew up real good and enjoy it! Savor and be thankful for your food! You may do what you will but we say a blessing before we eat our food and we still hold hands at the table!

Good food will make you feel Good! It is real simple!

I handle simple better than complicated I can't concentrate for that long!
Because of pain I cannot concentrate like the normals (folks without illnesses)
You know how to eat an elephant? One little bite at a time!
I also have adhd, I use to be hyper active, but since I got Chronic Fatigue
there is no hyper and there is no active! This is why I had so much trouble sitting still in a sermon, it was just sheer torture for me the lil kid and I didn't even know why I was that way! Later a long time later, I was told I had a learning disability no I am not afraid to admit anything maybe it will help someone else who is needing to say something about it and give them a gentle nudge! Nudge Nudge Nudge someone you are important and you are not stupid or dumb because you have so much trouble reading and comprehending what you have just read! That is what I was called stupid and dumb and didn't care and didn't apply myself and so many names I can't count, maybe I am glad I have fibro fog since I can't remember all the names I got called! No I take that back I am not glad I have fibro fog or anything related to it! I was told that I would never be able to read properly and would probably never amount to anything! I wonder why I climbed trees to get away from people and reach out for God to take me to Heaven! Please God come get me I hate the world! Get me outta here please God! People are cruel God! Make em stop please!

One time my teacher gives me this paper with a great big RED F on it! My paper looked like it bled to death! The kids got it away from me and started showing to all of the class and I kept trying to get it and the teacher just kept reading! I got up crying and sobbing and snotty and ringing wet with perspiration from the embarrassment! I flew to the girls bathroom and locked the door by sitting in front of it and wouldn't let anyone in and esp not that teacher! She comes running, now honey why you have to go and run away like that! I wouldn't answer her and she tried again, You need to come back to class and I told her I'm not coming back and you can't make me you should have stopped them when you heard me crying so loudly! Well now about that I am sorry and I promise wha wha wha wha wha wha wha enter Charlie Brown's teacher! Nope too late heard too many promises that was broken over and over, so I guess NO! I stayed in that bathroom with my little heart breaking into little pieces and I did not leave til I heard the last locker slam! Then I ran home out the door and flew til I got home and thought I was gonna have a heartache, I mean heart attck! My heart was attacked! This was to be one of many times I went home from school crying because the bullies were after the dumb blone girl and the stupid stupid stupid! You're an idiot they screamed you can't even read you got a F on your paper na na na na na! And then came the ever popular beginning of
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ask me if it's real, it is so real! Another time!
The teacher assigned the reading tables and I didn't hear my name called and I asked her and she said well hon I didn't call your name because you are in this
army green yucky sicky looks like throw up book! The rest of the class reading from the purple beautiful book that only smart kids can read! So you sit over here at your table and they will sit at the rest of the tables and you have no one else reading at your level so I am sorry you will be sitting at the table by your stupid dumb sorry excuse for a human being self!
Now some of these things she did say but a child hears what a child hears and a child perception of themselves is very fragile and they hear and read between the lines! I was there when it happened so I really oughta know!

Don't tell me that PTSD doesn't exist this is a shining example of why it does!
In my humble opinion, this stuff can make you sick and so many of us are suffering in silence! The world is just too busy to care, one day it is gonna be too late to care anymore! No one really wants us to tell them how we really are! I asked my family to please stop asking how I am! What do I say, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! whew I need more spoons help!

I was abused as a baby of 4 years old and they got my little sister too and told us if we tell they would kill us now ain't that a nice thing for a baby to hear!
Help me understand something here how seductive was I at 4 years old? Did I have come hither eyes? What did I do to make them hurt me like that?
We lived in a tiny town in the down south area of Louisiana and we had to live with relatives a lot because we were poor! Daddy didn't always have a job in his line of work! I was told at one time we were dirt poor and I thought How can we be dirt poor when all I see around me is dirt!
Ok I am your life and I will be playing the part of another bout with PTSD for your perusal I give you a trailer scene 1:boy and girl cousin playing with little girl, that would be me, I am playing the part of an innocent baby not quite dry behind the ears and not knowing a lot about anything being dragged into this trailer where we were gonna play! Bull!!! Close scene 1:fade to black and commercial stand by Scene 2:baby with her mother and daddy at supper what just happened to her and how her innocence was stolen? Why would someone want to hurt a baby? Because they are sick in sin and of their father the devil!
This is a little baby that just got through singing Jesus Loves Me in Sunday School and she loves Jesus so much! She trusts people too much! She will go up to them and hug em and say *pay fo you* and pat em on the leg!
Pay for you is baby talk for Pray for you if your sick Jesus will heal you!
Scene 3: next day enter cousins baby not go with them Mommy I want you!
Mommy I don't wanna pay! play...When I was 5 we had moved and my little sister was born and as we grew up there were more attacks on our bodies, hearts minds spirits and souls! We ended up having to go back to Louisiana!
God have mercy on the babies!!!
There was another family member on my daddy's side of the family that made it his duty to harass, shall we just say harass for the sake of not cussing!
He made it his duty to harass my little sister and me and I did not even know they got my little sister either! I was like her guardian angel and I protected her vehemently I was like a warrior when it came to my little sister! If I had known I might not be free here behind this blog that I am writing to you!

I have gone all around Robin Hood's Barn to say something because I feel if I can get results and answers it was worth the trip!

Now you cannot tell me that these kinds of evil things being put upon God's babies will not cause a huge blow to their physche(soul)then you tell me what does? Because of physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual abuse well who do we see walk in the door but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! How did you survive this torture? I removed myself from anything and was frozen in time!
Refused to feel or think or almost breathe! In my heart of hearts I believe that most people who are the Walking Wounded Warriors have been abused!
Let's pause for a mo and look at that word!
AB = Abnormally + USED Do you see where I am coming from on this word
See you take it apart and you can see my point! I have to take a lot of things apart to understand them!
Therefore I give you my case in point! The story at the beginning of my friend
ostracized from her "church" because she had lupus and they considered that meant she had sinned!

This is abuse plain and simple just nasty ordinary stinkin thinkin abuse!!!

There is no disease that is known to mankind that overtakes you that God had anything to do with! That is a place that God never intended you to be cause like the song says:Yet the God of the good times is still God in the bad times... and the God of the day is still God in the NIGHT!
Hence, a star shines it brightest in the dark night sky and the take away for my friend and for all of you my folks, if indeed bad things happen to good people God can take that bad and make it into good for the sake of His children!
So dear one do not despair you "got along without em before you met em, gonna get along without em now"!!! love this song too!

Dear Folks forgive the anger I am not wrapped up in it cause that causes my pain get worse because it makes my muscles tense up and I am at peace within the midst of this storm! In the strongest storm in the center of the storm is the most quiet and peaceful place! Jesus is the center of all of our storms of life and we just have to reach out and ask to have a little talk with Jesus!

He is at the Throne of Grace, Love and Tender Mercies and is ever interceding for our souls!

Father in Jesus Name Love and Blood I ask that mighty rushing breath of God blow over all of us today and be in this blog I pray please let it touch something in everyone who reads and posts and bless those also who do not post! Father,  breathe new life into this blog that it may be totally of thee O Father answer the cries of my heart for all my family and friends! Please speak peace into my friend who was so viciously attacked over having lupus calm and comfort her puzzled and harmed heart bathe her with Your Precious Holy Spirit from the top of her head to the souls of her feet! There is nothing too difficult or nothing is impossible with Thee O Holy Father! + Please speak healing into the bodies of all your Walking Wounded Warriors the spoonies and the foggies and any invisible illnesses that could ever touch YOUR own!

Forgiveness is the key to unlock the prison of your heart, I mean it, it works!
It will set you free from all that pain and hurt from the past, take care of your inner child of the past and protect them now from any further hurt!

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to thee my Lord, Savior, Redeemer and Best Friend, you are my bff Jesus forever and forever! Tell my hubby I send my love again tonight! {\O/}Please take my message to Heaven for Bud! Thank you Jesus for my chance to blog! :) *_*

If I helped one person tonight Dear God, my labor is not in vain!
Ok dear folks I have to let this ride for your perusal, I am out of spoons but I never stop loving you! Could some dear soul email me some spoons can't find mine lol :) Feel the fog rolling in auga auga auga, here the fog horns!

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Meaning of Spoonies & Foggies!

I am not sure if this is a continuation of my blog before this one, but I am trying to get there.
Just a brief touch on the A Spoonie & Foggie is born.
When I was at Sister Dorothy Linscomb's home she taught me lots of neat things but the one that I remember to this day is how to blow bubbles with my bubble gum. I still remember how to do that and it has been a while since I have had a nice wad of bubble gum in my mouth. I remember also where I erred where bubble gum is concerned. I had gotten me a wad of bubble gum right before church, now don't get ahead of me yet, lol I was chewing it ever little bit and then my mom would look at me and I would just smile and stare real sweetly at her like I am still your little angel aren't I? We got all the things we needed to do to get into church and before we started to sit down we were read the riot act. You are to sit here quietly and don't talk and in fact don't breathe, well not really but when you are little they put the fear of God in you cause they are your parents. You sing a song you like over all of the hymns and as loud as you can because you are making a joyful noise to the Lord.
Mom is not thrilled about the noise so you try to be nice and it is just so hard for you to sit still and listen to that man hollering at you. You have already commited the unpardonable sin of "rattlin the bulletin" but you just can't stand it and need another diversion. Ahha well little ones don't say Ahha, but I digress, I still was harboring that wonderful wad of double bubble in my mouth. After all Mom and Daddy loved Sister Dorothy Linscomb and they would be so proud of me cause she taught me how to blow bubbles. Good I am sitting on the other side of my mom and dad next to Miss Dorothy and I stood up and I chewed real good and came out with the biggest bubble and I can't believe it but it not only was real big but in the House of God it popped really bigly and boy was I gonna take a trip to the switching tree for that!
Apparently my parents did not think this was such a wondrous thing to behold.
What I wanted to do in this one is to try to put this in reverse because I am sure there are many of you that are wondering what the heck are spoonies and foggies.
There is a way of having different words to address each other in the Fibromyalgia, Lupus and other invisible illnesses. That is to say a young lady came up witih a way of showing a friend how much it took out of her and her day to be able to do all that was required of her for that day. She took a handful of spoons and gave them to her friend and proceeded to take spoons away as she shared what she would need to do for that day. Each time she would say something she would take away another spoon. In other words at the end of the day there may or may not be enough spoons for the rest of the tasks of the day. Hence the word, "spoonies" for those with Fibromyalgia, Lupus, ME, Chronic Fatigue, MS, and so on. I think you see where I am going with this. Because of pain 24/7 for me anyway, it does not happen exactly the same for exactly everyone, and the chronic fatigue and more we do not always have what we need in the area of strength to get through most tasks.
There are days with this stuff, I feel like I am going to stop breathing and the last time I checked, it is hazardous to your health to stop breathing. There have been days that my hubby would ask what I had done that day and I came back with "I got up didn't I", and then I said out loud not much I have been trying to do something with the closet. Which was not exactly true unless you count staring at it and wondering how did I get here or the ever popular what am I here for?
This where the Fibro Fog comes in. I truly believe those that are afflicted with these diseases are folks with their brains re wired by some crazed chimpanzee. It is like our brain was put together and wired by a Master Mechanic and a professional. He has our brain all shiny and new all laid out on the operating table ready to put it back in after repairs. He has to leave
follow along with me if you please...and get something from the front of the shop. He has a pet monkey that got a hold of something that made him crazy and jumping up and down and getting out of his cage he runs around the whole room and sees your brain laying there. He proceeds to pick up a butter knife instead of the proper tool and starts wiring A with C instead of B and so on and so forth until we are hay wired! It is too late to do anything the damage has already been done and the Master Mechanic can't undo what the monkey did. He has to begin work on another brain which happens to be the brain of a normal (one who is not sick with this fm/cfids etc.)
This is how I liken our brains to being wired differently than other folks.
When we are on the right track of our train of thought something misfires and our train gets derailed and we forget where we were and completely lose focus. I personally remember many fibro fog stories in my files that to some people might have been funny and to others they might have thought it was just pitiful. I choose to go the funny route.
I left the house one day for what was supposed to be a short trip to Wal-Mart and I know I drove there because I got there. A feeling of panic swept over me and I started talking to the Lord. Dear God how did I get here and what am I here after? I did not even remember how I got there or even the trip there.
I knew I was in big trouble, but God seems to watch over me cause he knows the things that I have found myself in and He is such a compassionate soul! I knew there was not a soul in Wal-Mart could help me with my problem and the only one that was with me on the drive over was the Lord. That is the only way I got there safely without killing me or anyone around me!
I found a quiet area of the store and I chose the stationary sp? department. 
As I begin just whispering out loud to God please help me figure out what I came here for and help me be able to leave with everything I came for cause you know I forgot the list too, so I am skating on thin ice here God! Help me please sir! God uses a sense of humor to speak to me cause he knows his kid and that she can come back to Earth with something funny happening!
Well, He the Father did not disappoint His child. As I was praying out loud to try and keep focus and stay on one subject as you can see the Father listens to me with my run on sentences and He still loves me what a miracle right there.
Bursting forth through all my trepidation and panic was a little boy who just plain ole outright says "Mommy who is that lady and why is she talking to those envelopes?" Well that did it for me, I just started snickering under my breath and thoughts all of sudden came flooding my mind and I went through that store picking this and picking that and before I knew it I was at the checkout stand. I got all my belongings like someone grabbing up the spoils of war and the warrior had slain that dragon and go home hungry from the fight.
Folks, not joking here, when I got in the door I saw my grocery list and the what not yas list so to speak. I picked it up and just thought for kicks I would take everything out of the bag as I saw it on the list! I said, ok I got that check. I got that check and on and on. When I was finished the Father taught me that when you turn it all over to Him that He will do a perfect thing for you, all you have to do is ask. Every single solitary thing was checked  off perfectly on my list as if I had a list with me.
This is only one of the things that speaks of the word or name, foggies.
We call it as I said Fibro Fog and it is irritating when you are talking to someone and get stopped midstream in your conversation and something or someone is trying to change horses on you midstream.
I pray that there will be something of substance gleaned from this blog for each one of you!
Pain is inevitable.......Misery is optional.........May the God of Peace Love and Tender Mercies dwell in you richly today and every day!
Did you ever think that maybe God has Fibromyalgia He doesn't remember my sins any more! Praise His Holy Name + Gentle Hugs (((((((ALL)))))))

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Spoonie & Foggie is born!

When I was a little girl there wasn't much you could keep me out of. I would try to get my fingers in every pie nearby. lol   
My mother said that I was a ball of fire and a magpie and once I learned to talk that was all she wrote as the old saying goes.  Many the times I would stay up as long as the grownups would because I remember being afraid that I would miss something.
As I got a little older I had an awful hard time minding my p's and q's whatever they were and was not sure how you minded them.  I knew however that you mind your mom and daddy or you would have to go pull a switch from the switching tree.  I always told my mom I had to be a model child or I would've been beat to death at least that was my thinking.  You had to mind those p's & q's especially in church.  Again with minding things out of the alphabet that didn't have any rhyme or reason to it, I just knew what was expected of me. 
The preacher would preach and the singers would sing and the ushers were the pass arounders of the plate is what I perceived in my little brain.  At the time I believe my brain had not been harmed yet.  We spoonies and foggies had to have some kind of a beginning so this was my beginning.  I remember after church sometime I would go home with one of the kind sisters of the church. 
One afternoon after church I went home with Sister Dorothy Linscomb and she spread out a fine lunch for Brother Linscomb and me. I bet you want to know what that Southern Belle maid for this Southern Bell in waiting. Ok, you twisted my arm, I'll tell you already. Hold your taters. We had "Southern Fried Chicken & Mashed taters n gravy" and lots o butter did I say lots o butter just wanted to make sure that that was in there.  It might have been lard I had plenty of that while I was growing up. Sister Dorothy brought in this great big ole plate of homemade cornbread and a jar of her homemade blackberry preserves that she canned herself. I never quite understood how they could call it canning when what I saw was a jar.  She had a nice bowl of turnip greens with fresh cut turnips floating all in them greens.  I remember a distinct smell of fat back or maybe it was just bacon grease for flavor coming out of that steaming bowl of vegetables. There was corn on the cob that just melted in your mouth and more butter slathered all over and running down your wrists.  That was a feat in of itself to get all that food down and when I was ready to beg for mercy, she would bring in another dish of some kind. I didn't know any better than to eat all that fatty food, that was our way and I didn't know anything different.  Oh boy, she went and did it, just wait it's coming.  She would teach me a lesson that to this day I have never forgotten. (I have to stop now and lay in another load of spoons and set and rest a spell. I'm so tired my tired's tired. oh my goodness can't tell I've never blogged 
before.) lol  : )