If you drink you will never thirst again! +

If you drink you will never thirst again! +
Drink from the water of Life, Love, your friend, Jesus <3

Monday, October 22, 2012

I Quit Breathing, the truth!!!

One night rather late at night, we had to call the EMS! I felt as though there was an elephant on my chest, was afraid I may be on the verge of a heart attack! My bp was very high & because of the two things combined, the EMS took me right to the ER! Upon getting there, they immediately got my clothes off & put me in one of those designer gowns suffering with acute gaposis in the back! They asked how I was feeling & I said I would be honky dory if they could get this elephant off my chest! They said just give us a little time to do an EKG & take an Xray so that we can determine what we need to do! They did that & then they gave me some nitroglycerine! Something went very bad, all of a sudden I began having a seizure & jerking my head uncontrollaby on the hospital table! I went out & I heard later that one of the nurses said, She quit breating & she started hollering for everyone to get in there & bring the crash cart to do everything that they could to bring me back & she said Yall had better hurry, her heart rate has gone to 20, apparently that is not a good place for your heart to go! So, nurses & doctors & all kind of people I was told later came flying into my room! They all I was told were working on me to try & get me back & said we need to bag her, I learned later that meant I needed a larger oxygen mask than the nose canula that delivered oxygen to you! My little sister & mother were in the room & she said I scared her to death when I was jerking & having seizures on the table. They quickly scooted both my little sister & mother out of the room so they could work on me! They finally deduced that I am allergic to nitroglycerine & it must be put on my chart! I guess God still had more for me to do or I would not be here today!       

My heart doctor said he wanted me to have a pacemaker put in me to regulate my heart & keep from ever having a heart rate of 20 again! Everything went along swimmingly for a while! Then the doctor that was going to do the surgery came into my room to explain what was going to happen, for which I was glad as I have never been good nerve wise & all about any surgery I have ever have! She said I would be picked up from my room & put on a gerney, ? not sure of the spelling! Then they would take me to the OR to be prepped for the surgery! In other words, I would have an IV inserted for anethesia to be put in! She said, laughingly, we will give you something to make you kinda loopy! The time came for them to pick me up & as she said they gave me something to put me kinda under! As they administered the medicine in my IV, I started feeling tired & then as she was operating on me to insert the pacemaker,  I realized that every cut or incision she was making, I was feeling! Then something went horribly wrong, the more she cut the more excruciating the pain was! I started praying that I could wake up enough to ask her please stop or administer some more medicine! It was to no avail, I was under to the point I couldn't wake up & ask for help! Because I was feeling everthing, it felt like an eternity until the surgery was over! Finally, it was over & I was still groggy, just still couldn't come out of it! I was in the hospital for 5 days! I am still recovering from the pain of the incision! I didn't tell my surgeon about my ordeal until my next visit with her! She said she was awfully sorry, but that had not happened to her in 10 years! Oh my goodness, to think that things like this can happen to other people! I have not been on my blog for quite a while, I have been very ill for quite some time! On top of all the things I deal with on a daily basis, I was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease! They had to change my gown & bed linens because I was shaking so much that I spilt first my coffee all over me & then they had to change them again because I couldn't stop shaking that I spilt all of my orange juice all over me & my bed clothes! When I first started my blog, spoonies & foggies (fibro fog) I had every intention to keep it up, but too many things hindered me that I was not able to do what I really enjoyed what I was doing! Remember like Mac Davis' song said, "Whoever finds this, I love you" Whoever reads this I am praying for you, God's warrior, protecting & ministering angels to camp around about you! We must pray for each other for we do not know what our sisters in suffering & brothers too! I care & love all my fellow "Walking Wounded Warriors" I try not to go around telling my "organ recital" in other words, this hurts &  that hurts! I have found that complaining doesn't help others nor me! With us fibro suffers, Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional! I only say any of these things out of love because you know that I am walking in your shoes! May God our Heavenly Father bless you all & keep you safe & give you peace & comfort! Till we meet again, I love you with  all my heart! Hugs, Love & Prayer, Ellen <3  Psalm 91:11 +                                        

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The miracle of praying the scriptures esp. Psalm 91:11 {\O/}

My Daddy was a Yeoman First Class in the Navy and I so have wanted to share how the entire occupants of the Air Craft Carrier received a miracle during Pear Harbor!
Daddy loved the Lord so much and had no trouble sharing his Faith with anyone! The sailors knew that and Daddy was teaching a Prayer and Bible Study aboard his ship, The Kada Shan Bay!
They were so many of the sailors lined up out the door for Daddy's Bible Study, so it was standing room only and that thrilled Daddy's loving and compassionate heart!
Daddy loved tellling his girls about this one particular day he had a great Bible Study and he was teaching all to not just read the Bible, but pray the Scriptures! For this day, Daddy was teaching about praying God's warrior, protecting and ministering angels around them and all things concerning them! The Scripture goes like this: For He will give angels charge and all things concerning you! So when it was time for everyone to go about their specific duty and get ready for the day at hand, he lead the whole class in praying this Scripture esp. and dismissed!
The day went on as scheduled and Daddy was going about his tasks of typing and putting things in the log book for the Admiral!
Later from out of the quiet sky comes this big roaring sound and it was Japanese Kamakaze Dive Bombers and all the sailors were on deck! They went to their posts to return fire and whatever they needed to do to protect themselves! All of sudden they are watching in horror at this Kamakaze was turned nose down and he was going to dive bomb the air craft carrier! There really was no time to prepare, just had to watch and about that time, Daddy said it felt like just seconds and the kamakaze dived into the gas tank of the air craft carrier and he and the plane exploded on the gas tank!
It rocked and rolled the carrier back and forth and to and fro, but not a soul had a hair on their head harmed! I mean no one needed even a band-aid!
Daddy said the Admiral called him down to where Daddy had to type up things and also had to login things of the day for what had happened throughout the day!
Daddy loves to tell this part because his Admiral was a Christian and strong believer like Daddy!
The Admiral told Daddy to put on the log the regular stuff! Then he did something that absolutely thrilled Daddy! Yeoman I want you to use the pretty lettering that you do and I want you to put in great big bold letters:
There were many of the sailors that came to Daddy and said tell them about this Jesus you talk about in your Bible Study and Prayer Time! Praise the name, love and blood of the Lord Jesus Christ!
From then on, Daddy never passed up a chance to share this miraculous happening from praying the Scriptures!
He would tell me and my baby sister many times and many times we would just crawl on his lap and ask him to tell us more stories, but please tell us again about the story of when God saved you and all the sailors on that ship!
As we grew up we learned to pray the Scriptures and not just read the Bible and say like okay, I 've read my Bible for the day! No, you rob yourself of a major blessing if you only read!
For all our family and friends and special loved ones of the Southern Gospel groups and esp. my favorite singer in the universe, Michael English! When I first heard him sing, there was just something so special about him and I could tell that the Lord had given him such a gift and as Michael says, He loved and saved the person of Michael English! As I was listening, the Lord dropped it in my spirit that He wanted me to begin praying for Michael and his gift and that he was going through some troubles that no one knew anything about! I said Lord if that is what you want me to do, I am your servant and I will do as you say! I have been following him for so many years before I ever met him in person!
Through one of his close friends, who I want say cause I promised that what they shared with me about Michael and we coveted to pray in agreement with each other for Michael no matter what!
She would send me vcr tapes of him cause she knew I had an incurable illness and I told her I didn't know if I would ever get to see him in person!
Lord have mercy, there were times when things were going on that people were saying unkind things about him and it was breaking our hearts! There were more times than I can count that we were both up and talking and praying on line from 2 am and on!
I told this friend please know that you can trust me always cause this is going from "The Phone to the Throne" period, I will never tell anyone unless some day I get to tell Michael himself!
I was just dying inside when he was crying over his brother Biney of having a diagnosis of MS! It was just devastating to the family! I begin somehow finding out how I could email Biney and I think my friend sent Michael a note book of prayers that I had put in for him!
I got a newsletter from Biney and I am not sure if Michael was sending a newsletter at that time!
I was not to ever get to see Michael and Biney in concert! God called my hubby, Bud, my love and my best friend forever, when he died so quickly in front of me!
After we put my sweet guy in the grave and we cried until we were so exhausted and it was so hard for me to go back to our home anymore for me!
My children started saying we have to get Mother out of there and have her stay with us for a while! So I stayed with my sons for a while and then my daughter said Mother, I want you to stay with us until you can figure out what you want to do for a place to stay! You see my daughter and her family lived in Ft. Bragg, North Carolina! Michael and Biney are from Wallace, NC. and I called our mutual friend who also lived in NC. I was told why don't you come to a concert, in I don't remember where, so I told my daughter and she said I think we oughta go cause you have wanted to meet both of them for a long time!
After exchanging emails somehow Biney knew I wanted to meet him and I saw him the first time before the concert! I told him of my hubby's Bud home going! Oh I'm so sorry, and he hugged me real big and said I am so glad to meet you! I'll see you inside!
While he and Michael was on the stage and surprized me by calling my name and asking his friend to stand! He shared that my hubby was in Heaven and we want to dedicate in memory of Bud, called "Welcome to Heaven My Child"!
I sat there and bawled and was blessed by hearing such great gifts from God coming out of both these sweet brothers in Christ!
I hope I am not bothering him on his twitter and facebook, but I promised God long long ago that he could count on me to pray daily for Michael and now Biney! All the family of both of them!
Another dear friend from the Michael English forum had given this friend a shirt of Michael's that he wore in the "Gospel" video! I really wasn't expecting anything like that but it was black and had yellow trim and I was so honored to have it or that anyone would think so much of me!
I knew Michael had a book in him and I am so proud of him and even though he had been through a lot, our friend and me refused to let anyone say anything bad about him! We refused to believe anything but the good and God in him!
We just kept stubbornly praying him through it all! I am not looking for accolades I did what our Father asked me to do!
I cannot have enough paper to share how Michael and Biney have ministered to my spirit and heart and soul!
I went through almost everything that Michael went through! Everytime I would hear another song, it would always take me to places where the Lord was trying to use Michael and his testimony in word and song! I was asked not long ago what is Michael English favorite song! I can't choose, it is whichever song is playing at the time!
There's been times when the invisible incurable illness I have seemed to be more than I can take! The pain 24/7 and the fatigue so bad you think you are gonna quit breathing! The insomnia and conjestive heart failure! I also have a crazy heart, it will go along for a while and then it will spike up! Many times I have tried to as you might say, punch my own ticket, Michael testified of a time like this too! I tried seven times and the Lord would interrupt me with someone to come over or have my Mother call me!
That was not gonna work with my Father! That was not in His Will for me!
I have had some really hard times with the medication that the dr's have put me on to the point that every dr. Bud took me to, dr gave me another prescription! That piled one on top of the other, there were so many tests trying to find out what in the world this unexplained severe pain and such illness with just so much questions for this couple!
I got to the point that I just was not really myself and all my family came down asking me to get help to get off so much meds! I heard Michael singing a sweet and simple song that I had heard many times! The Lord spoke in my spirit, Ellen, you hear that Michael is singing I Surrender All! Where in that song do you hear, I Surrender some? He said I know you have tried getting off of this stuff by yourself and it didn't work! Even though it will be hard we will get through this together! So I called my daugher after everyone had come down and pleaded we just want our Mother back!
I said sweetheart let's talk about this!
We talked way into the night and we were both crying and praying and she came and got me later and took me to the rehab and they took me off everything cold turkey and I stayed sick the whole time! I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I stayed sooo cold all the time! It's too long but I went to all the withdrawals and they sent me packing cause the insurance would not pay for help anymore! Ok, who was healed, not me! Lost down to 131 lbs, for me a stick!
I went 25 years without a diagnosis and too many dr's and too many pills!
After I got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, two months later they diagnoses me with active Lupus!
Bud said Baby I just don't know why this is being put on us, how could we love the Lord any better than we do? We just prayed and people would try to help and they would tell me and Bud that so and so dr. might be able to do us more good!
I got to where I lost a job with GTE Directories Corp. as the quality control billing clerk! I would come into work holding onto the wall just to try and walk!
My boss even cried with me when I told her I was afraid I wasn't able to concentrate any more because of the pain! Cause no one could find some pain med to touch my pain! She just looked up from tearstained eyes and said, Hon, I am so sorry, but I was told that I was gonna have to fire you or let you go cause it was showing up in my work! I hate this but why don't you just come go get a coke with me and then I will take you home!
My family was devastated when I had to tell them, I was also subbing as a secretary part time for our church!
They also were glancing over something else that was causing me severe pain too! They never turned me over when they were xraying me! That went on for 13 years and my other dr's said I had a lawsuit on my hands cause someone finally turned me sideways and discovered degenerative disk disease! The disk in my low back particularly was disintegrated and the vertebrae were sitting on one another! (recently along with this type of thing, they did an MRI on me or Cat Scan, ? they found bulging disks in my neck!)
As that song that Michael and Biney sung on the ME Show, "He Never Gave Up" I know my Jesus has never given up on me, even though I have fallen many times, but what happened to me as a child was not mine or any other child's fault! Michael put it recently that some people just did not know how to treat lil boys right, well in my case of course, it was a lil girl of only 4 years old!
There is so much more that happened to Michael that mirrors what happened to me! I am writing a book even with a sposd learning disabilty, slow learner and adhd, "When the Bruises Don't Show"! I have a publisher interested, but I have to come up with money too, that as everything else has been put at the foot of the cross! My Daddy always said Why worry when you can pray! Help I don't even know where I am, am running out of spoons pretty quickly!
I send fb notes and twitter notes to Michael of encouragement and prayer and I hate to fly too! Will tell yall about that another blog or post!
Hugs, Love and Prayers, My name that I use as a username is my name at the end of a prayer that I have had to use like the first letter of every word of my prayer is like GBY, is God bless you! Because my mind goes 90 miles an hour, I am able to pray this way, the closing of all my prayers is this: LAYCE means Love always, your child Ellen! <3 + It was not nails that held our Savior on that old rugged cross, it was LOVE, UNCONDIONAL LOVE! THANK YOU JESUS!
I love you all and am praying yall and of course Michael English & his family to be safe with God's warrior, protecting and ministering angels taking yall safely to and from all your destinations!

No more spoons, can't find more spoons!

Lord, never let me forget that the clamor of my will...will make me deaf to Your call!

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me!
Mark 8:34

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Some helps for my Fibro Angels and Steel Magnolias!

There are many things they don't tell you might encounter since you have been diagnosed as someone with Fibromyalgia and usually a myriad of other invisible illnesses go with it! It is like you made an order for something to eat like this I'll have a large order of Fibromyalgia and a side order of Chronic Fatigue and a small order of Lupus and then as an after dinner desert how about a desert of Degenerative Disk Disease and I'll wash that down with Conjestive Heart Failure! Whew!!! Does this sound anything like you being a spoonie and a foggie! I thought so and have you been to a multitude of dr's?

That was and is my story as well. Along this awful journey I have learned many things by trial and error. I will touch on why we must use the anger we may feel in a positive manner, it doesn't have to be met out as they say with awful displays of temper and losing control and later regretting that you could not just hold your tongue and just talk things out with whomever you are miffed at! Now I know that I could have used the P...s word, but I don't roll that way! I have a good education and a better vocabulary than to use swear words! They are not cool or cute nor hip, it just shows a lack of good breeding as they said in my country!

Here goes! Whenever something or someone is bothering you do this for your own heart's sake and many other health related reasons. If you need to let it let it out by screaming in your pillow (if nothing else you could start giggling at yourself by how funny you feel doing that! But who or what are you hurting no thing and no one. My mother always said oh yeah, if you're mad, you can just scratch your mad place and get glad! Oh the wisdom of mothers!
Another thing she would say I love you enough to discipline you and I care how you turn out so if you can't find anything nice to say, don't say anything at all! I said all that to say this, get a hold of yourself when you get angry and find something to emerse yourself in! I just get to myself and shut everything off, no outside or inside stimuli! When we the "walking wounded warriors" get angry our muscles get angry too,so to speak!
Our muscles tense up so greatly that there is no way to make em let loose until they so desire and I have learned you will be sorry if you got angry and got them angry too!
I will draw you a wee bit of a scenario, All this becomes a symphony of drawing up into balls of rubber bands clamped around your muscles!
What do we do about that? Try not getting angry in the first or second place lol The more angry you get and lash out to others the more the symphony of rubber bands in your muscles swells to a big crescendo of pain! You need to first lay on it a little pianisimo or soft I recite the Lord's Prayer until I can find a way to slow down the fit I find myself in and I have given up pet peeves cause if you break it down that is plumb embarrassing to be petty about something you cannot do a blooming thing about! That is the time I found to have some decorum about you and excuse yourself from the room whether you have to potty or not, go to the bathroom and put your fingers in your ears and close out all the world and all the possible menace it can be to you!
Do what you do to calm yourself down, no one else can do this for you!
My parents used to say you may not come back into the room until you act like a little lady and be kind to others! Period...end of subject was my take on that! So when you think you can go back into the room without nearly killing someone that got your dander up, stay put has been my experience!
I like to watch as many funny videos as I can get my hands on and you are doing yourself a favor if you choose comedies! When one laughs it brings out endorphins from the brain to the body and those are natural God given pain killers already planted there! Use what you got to help what you got and you will end up feeling much better and no one gets hurt including you! See what I'm saying!

Did you know that stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS! LOL ; )
You can fight the bad effects of stress hormone Cortisol on you by drinking 4 cups of black tea a day! Having tea with someone just evokes a scene of grace manners and laid back enjoying each other's company! Most of all PEACE!
It seems that there is something restful to my heart and soul when I stop and make time for tea! It is a good thing to be fully enveloped in the process of tea making! While it is easier to make my tea in the microwave that is what I choose, have to save your energy to help your mother too! When things and pain and much that we Fibro Angels, or spoonies and foggies deal with become too much, I just pop up and say I think I will make us a spot of tea!
Yeah fancy it up like you were the Queen waiting to have tea with her loyal subjects or whatever you know make it easy on yourself! I thought my mother was gonna swallow her tongue when I made tea the other day with her "best china" I said look Mother, what are we saving it for, we seldom have company so I am treating you and me like company and I love how delicate this china is and unless we start tossing it across the room, I believe it will withstand the journey! I can't stand all the loud noise so we did not have
trumpets with our tea! That is why I had to turn the Queen Elizabeth's invitation down during the time of the wedding of Will and Kate! I sent her reply of Dear Queenie, can't have tea with you at this time not until you get rid of those all fired trumpets! Sincerely yours, Princess Ellen or whatever!

There is a princess still alive in all of us girls no matter how old we are!

Try to act like you think a princess would act and even when you feel your worst I find it is good to put on some make up! Why you ask! Ok Ise gwanna tell ya rat now! lol

I've decided that if by some chance Fibromyalgia is after all terminal and I am gonna die today, (hypothetically of course) I may have looked like warmed over death in this life but I fully intend to die as a good looking corpse! rotflol @@@@@@@ ; ))

Personally I feel a lot better spiritually and mentally since I have given up white flour and white sugar! To some people like me sugar is poison to my system and I am not good about just chug a lugging a vial of poison, so I avoid it where possible! Also we are not prone to drink bleach but our sugar and flour are bleached how do you think they got it so sparkling white?

Hmmm yeppers last time I checked bleach is not in my diet!

I have mood swings (I have so many mood swings that we have run out of colors to paint em) : D

I have fewer mood swings that make me feel bad when I am in em and can't seem to make em go away! So fewer mood swings I can pay a ticket to!

The poor people around me that have to be the unwilling recipients of my mood swings and are goin does the home know she is missing?

My daughter and I found that during Desert Storm while we were going out and getting a reese's peanut butter cup for both of us! We really got gritchy and would practically bite each other's head off! Waiting for our loved ones to come back home was tuff enough but we found that we did better with our moods when we would share one candy bar!  Then have a time of prayer and medication! We felt more worthy to go before the throne of grace love and tender mercies when we were in a better frame of mind!

I hope I have helped yall to understand the importance of things you can change and some tips on how to do it when they exist!

So in closing cause I am out of spoons, remember tea time 4 times a day!
Set a pretty table if you have to borrow flowers for the table from another room tis good! Tea to lift you from stress to a modicum of peace!
Stomp out white sugar and white flour unless you have been given a script to drink bleach...this is not recommended! : )
I must go and remember until we meet again you will be on my mind and in my heart and in my prayers cause Jesus loves you and I do too!!!

Psalm 91:11 Praying God's warrior protecting and minsitering angels around you and yours! {\O/} gentle hugs, color me gone for a while! God bless all

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Things you can do that don't cost a cent!

There are so many things that one person can do that don't cost a cent that can impact the masses!

1.  First and most importantly is prayer.

Right now, we need to give the gift of prayer to our brothers and sisters who have been totally devastated in Alabama and the other areas that were hit by unbelievable amounts of tornadoes!

Please start a prayer vigil for our fellow Americans and then pass it on to another friend to pray and so on and so on!

The fervent and earnest prayer of a righteous one availeth much!

Prayer doesn't cost you anything but a little time!

Most especially of this time of devastation to life and devastation of land and whole cities being swallowed up in sheer wipe out of everything!

There are no words that can describe but you have words that can help!

Talk with our Creator our Lord and Savior about all that has been lost and pray for the multitudes to answer with funds to give into the need of the people!

Many of us may not have money to send and many of us can't do anything like go down there and help, but we do the things that we can do is pray that others will be touched to give into the need!

Some people I have heard I am sorry that all I can do for you is pray!

No that is a great thing and prayer is the Key to Heaven but Faith unlocks the Door! Beyond the open door there's a new and fresh annointing just ask for it that others might be saved!!!

My daddy always said "Why worry when you can pray?"

2. Give the gift of a cheerful Dispositon does not cost you anything but to care and that is so much to people who need people who care!

Those of us who are #Spoonies & #Foggies are suffering in a great deal of pain but many of us try so hard to keep a cheerful disposition about us whenever others are around! Each day there are many challenges and many times not enough *spoons* for the tasks that lay ahead! There are times that in the day about all we can do is get up and for some they are not able to do that! We call that "when we crash or we are having a flare" Crash and flare are almost the same in that *flare* is an increase in the volume of pain and fatigue! I always think when a nurse or dr. says on a scale of 1 - 10 how would you rate your pain

You are kidding me right?
Could you maybe make the scale more in my range? 10 is not close and I don't do math it's against my religion! lol Could you please give me another question that I might even half way be able to answer? :PPP

Ok, I know this was give a cheerful disposition but while I am at it will try and explain about the other thing along with *flare* is *I'm sorry I will not be able to go with you like we planned* something like that is a *crash*! You make plans to go somewhere with someone for the fifth time and because fibro fog made you forget where your spoons were, you don't have enough spoons to complete the task of getting dressed! You keep thinking to yourself that I'm gonna keep at this so I can go out with my friend and not have to cancel again!

Right am I right??? hmmm I thought so!

So you don't call your friend and think I am gonna grin and bear it and I'll feel better later! Your friend knocks on the door and you can barely get to the door to let your friend in! And the all too familiar words end up coming out, "I'm sorry I will not be able to go with you because I can hardly move" if they love you they will understand and give you the gift of a smile and a cheerful disposition! The giving remember goes both ways so sometime you give a cheerful disposition and sometimes it is given to you!

I need to touch on this subject a bit more because many of us don't talk *sick talk* with our families so if they don't have Fibromyalgia they don't understand!
Sometimes I just have to check in with family and friends about what I am & all my Fibro My Angels have to deal with on a daily basis!

When a {\O/}FIBRO MY ANGEL{\O/}

CRASHES OR FLARES it is hard for US to understand yall have no idea! If you are just now reading this take time to make time with your family member or friend that has Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and most times we have combos of many other related invisible illnesses!

Please remember and never forget when you are around your family member or friend that has FM/CFIDS ETC. Don't just say how are doing and leave it at that! If they are any thing at all like me, they just smile and say "I'm fair to partly cloudy" or something glib like that in order to laugh a little and then change the subject! One time, just one time really ask them to tell you what a day in their life is like! Then for the first time be ready to listen really LISTEN to them!

Remember also they are not griping when they tell you the plain simple facts of living with Fibro etc and living in spite of Fibro! 

You might be surprised to find out they have some fascinating coping skills ok my writing has turned to black and was doing green in order to make it easier to read! Oh Well, you can't say I didn't try! Anyolewhohow, on the same subject at the first of my sentence here!

You might be surprised at some very unusual things that have happened and some funny fibro fog stories! The majority of us have gone forty kajillion dr's in search of answers to unexplained pain and fatigue and about a compromized immune system disease! Immune Disorder Disease and Irritable Bowel System goes along with these illnesses or diseases!

Look at this for a while, the word disease if you take it apart it is spelled like this: DIS = dis connection of the mind to the body network and somehow or other where pain is concerned the mind is sending pain messages to the body that is in a foreign language and there is no place on the computer for translation so the body is continually in pain 24/7 like me! It is like there is a button on the computer to help the body stop the pain and the brain is trying to tell the body that it should not be in pain but the poor body has been so messed up that it is not receiving the proper signals to how to turn that button to off!
What's more the body is searching for the button and the computer has hidden it from view!

Look at this for a while:EASE the other part of the word *disease*
Ease means a way to make something comfortable and a means of getting things done without effort!

PLEASE Remember and never forget we {\O/}FIBRO MY ANGELS{\)O\}may have broken wings and are not defined by our illnesses but we are still visible and need hugs even though they hurt to hug...HUGGING....is very needed!!!

Sometimes all I can do is cry, not pity party cry, but just can't find the words to pray like I am feeling in the depths of my very soul! It feels like the disease goes very very deep down and is trying to draw the very life out of me! Can anyone testify, I know I know you can! Fibromyalgia cannot touch my soul! +

Wish I knew how to put a video here with the song from the Isaacs a gospel group that came here in concert! The song is "He Understands My Tears"
Look on my facebook page and I am posting it there, it speaks volumes to me!

Please remember and never forget that no matter what you or we are going through sometimes we cry and then we smile in order to show the strength that we gain from looking to the Lord to help us through another day!

If the ship of your life is tossing on the sea of strife, you need someone and if your body is in pain and your health you can't regain you need someone!
I give you Jesus, He's the peace that passeth all understanding, oh oh oh my friend I give you Jesus!!! + <3 the plus sign represents the Cross and the heart is for His Love for you and me! Therefore, It was not nails that held our Savior to the Cross of Calvary, it was LOVE that held HIM there! His great love that held HIM there to pay for and suffer that our sins might be cleansed and that we might have eternal life!

Now, I am out of spoons, so my lovelies, I love you all that read in my lil ole reading room my blog, Take time to make time to give of yourself it costs you nothing and it will benefit you and the person receiving your gift! When we are kind it releases endorphins in the body to both participants and you may not know it but endorphins is the God given pain killers!

Give and it shall be given unto you! Pray for me as I pray for you! + <3

Until next time May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You Til We Meet Again!

Hugs, Love and Prayers, your friend to the end, Ellen + <3

P. S. Please pray for my Mother as she fell the day before Easter and we spent Easter Sunday in the ER because of all of her pain! Her name is Jane and she is a sweet Christian lady! She is having a lot of pain in her right leg and hip and upper and lower back! We are so thankful to the Lord that she did not break anything when she fell, but she is bruised and in so much pain! I so treasure your friendship and your love for us and most of all your prayers are so treasured!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Boys & Girls can anyone say Twilight Zone?

This blog today is brought to you by the letter T. Yes, T for I don't know maybe traumatized or terrified or tremendously nutso doctor!!! ugg

One day my hubby comes in from work and says I need to talk with you about something honey! You see, I have been hearing about this doctor that has been getting some results with people with Fibromyalgia! Ok, now is just fine with me to go so let's go right now! Hang on honey, we can't go right now but I wish we could and get you out of all that pain that you are in!
Am just so excited that I can't even think straight enough to call for an appointment! My hubby always was there at the ready to give a solution to a problem whether mine or the children's! I'll call honey you just go sit down and breathe real slowly and get calm again!

He called and came back in the living room where I was sitting in one of our comfy chairs that lean back and it also has my heating pad on it! I have learned that the heat calms the muscles in my lower back, so I keep the heating pad going a lot! It however does not stop the pain I have never been convinced that anything at all helps alleviate that pain of fibro! By the way, not negative meant here just stating the facts! Bud sat down with his great big ole glass of tea and said when my appointment was scheduled! We talked for a long time about our hope that this doctor would be able to give me some hope and some help!

Boy was I ever gonna need to lay in a load of spoons for that day that I would go to this new doctor!

The night before I layed out all my clothes and was attempting to get as much done ahead of time so that maybe I wouldn't run out of spoons just trying to get dressed! For the "normals" this is no big deal, it comes so easy to them regarding getting dressed and ready for a dr appointment! Honey, let's get up so you will have time to get ready, excuse me, do you have any idea what time it is dear! Yes, you know how slow you are about things just thought I would get you up a little early to give you that time that you need!

Wow hon, aren't you thoughtful, I'll find a way to thank you for waking up at a quarter til dawn! I guess I'll have  to go kick the rooster so he knows it is time to crow and wake the town, lol ;) Good Lord it's morning no no Child say it like this: Good morning Lord what are you up to? Please let me be a part of it in Jesus name love and blood! Father, that does sound better please forgive me for speaking in that manner, grow a better and more positive attitude in me and Dear Lord I'm grateful to you for all the many things that you do!

Ellen honey how are you coming with getting ready? I'll be ready as soon as I can Bud Can you please get me another cup of coffee darling? Thank you!
I know I know I only have my hair to do and get on my clothes and boy am I tired why? I just need to sit down and rest a while and then maybe I can get going again! Enter the big bad bully Chronic Fatigue and I came to rob you of your life but I am a cruel demon and I will leave you just breathing barely!
I am so running out of spoons and I have more things to do to get ready!
Bud gets me to the dr's office while it is just turning day and I enter another cold too cold waiting room!

Hi I'm Ellen Williams and I am here to see the doctor! Go ahead and have a seat the dr will be you as soon as he can! Sitting there reading every old magazine that was ever written and time goes crawling by 2 hours, 3 hours you've got to be kidding me 4 stinking hours! Mam how much longer is it gonna be till I see the dr? Hon if you go take your seat we'll be with you in a little while!

Meanwhile, I go over the magazines and I can overhear a conversation not far from me! Have you seen him or heard from him today, I thought you had and I'm gonna call over there and find out what's going on because he's got a room full of patients that always is not good people get out of sorts! Dr _____
are you coming in today or not! You have a room full of rather upset patients so you will be here in a little while! Ok bye!

Later, my tail bone I think has become part of every dr's office chair that I have been in and this one feels like I am gonna need a tail bone transplant!
Yes, mam the dr will see you now will you please walk this way!
I told her if I could walk that way I would not be here and then I said out loud, Yes mam thank you Ok hon the dr should be with you in just a little bit!
Waiting some more Lord have mercy I didn't bring enough spoons for this or some such thing (didn't know of the Spoonie Theory at the time, just knew there was something stealing my strength)
Enter the *I use the word loosely* doctor!

Hello Mrs. Williams how can I help you today? Oh my Lord dear Lord what am I seeing in front of me? You could by showing up for work and stop making people wait in your waiting room for hours on end, and then I said out loud : I am glad to meet you!  Why do you have your breakfast all over your very loud tie? And your shirt looks like you drained the bacon on it!

Well mam hop up on this table and let me have a look at you (you are confusing me with someone who can hop) you willl have to help me up on that high table!  and see where the problem is!

Now in walks terrified and starts me shaking in my boots!

What do I see but tethered at the end of this dr's wrist is a Great Big Ole
German Shepherd Dogggg big dog big d o g!!! do do do do dod od od can anyone say Twilight Zone?

Doctor why are you turning me every which way but loose and you have had your breakfast I can plainly see is the big dog gonna eat me for lunch?

Owww that hurts that really hurts bad I know mam, am just trying to adjust your body, To what a pretzel? Whatever you do, don't make a wish! I am not a wish bone you can just pull apart! Well, let's finish killing you and I will feed you to the dog, well not exactly but you couldn't have convinced me of that!

In walks tremendously nutso doctor after we get through here I want you to make another appointment so that I can finish tearing you apart! Oh please God if you let  me live I will go be a missionary in the deepest darkest part of Africa!!! Let me be able to go home to my hubby and my children!

Dear Spoonies and Foggies, why did it have to mean going to sooooo many
doctors to come up with a diagnosis? Fibro is called a Chronic Illness yet
Medicare only recognizes Diabetes and Conjestive Heart Failure as the two most chronic diseases and when they were here, they did not mention another chronic illness! I asked the man why not Fibromyalgia, He said that they do not recognize Fibromyalgia as a chronic illness! Oh REALLYYY!!!

Then why do millions of people know that is an ongoing progressive illness and is Chronic to a multitude of people the world over!

We need to ban together and write our congressmen and tell Medicare that it is not fair that Fibromyalgia is not recognized as Chronic Illness!!! GRRR

We must stand for something or we will fall for anything!

Fibromy Angels unite and we must win this war against Fibromyalgia and many other invisible illnesses! It is not gonna give and we must all say well


The Father did not give us a spirit of fear but of love power and a sound mind even if the other people in the room was about two tacos shy of a combination plate! I kind of paraphrased this didn't I, but you get my drift! lol : )

I have been dealing with a flare that has hit and looks like it is not planning to go away for a while, have to just take one day at a time and never worry about tomorrow because God is already there! Praise His Holy Name! +

P. S. Please remember and never forget I love you and even though you don't comment I pray for all who come to my lil reading room! Yall come back now ya heah! {\O/} Psalm 91:11 Praying God's warrior protecting and ministering angels around you all! YOU are special to Him!

Dear ones who are here would someone teach me how to or give me directions to upload my facebook photo to here and my twitter account!
I have had no luck and have trouble trying to remember what I heard on video so if any kind soul would help me, I would be eternally grateful!

Until next time my lovelies, may the good Lord bless you real good! I am new at this thank you for your patience I have had trouble getting the right color and background but I continue on just for YOU!!! (((((All)))))

My family goes If it is gonna happen to anyone it will happen to Ellen!
I went to my blog at 3 am #painsomnia woke me up so I went to my blog and found that someone had changed my language to Hindy! Ok whatever that is but it's funny huh? : )

I could have gotten mad, but I chose Happiness over gloominess and I came out the winner! Every choice in life has its reward or consequence so pray about everything and don't worry about nothin' !!!
Pain is inevitable.......................................Misery is optional..........................

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

You've got to be kidding me!

Dearest Spoonies & Foggies & all those who come to read in my lil ole reading room,

Once upon a time in a land far far away lived a young lady who was minding her own business, was attacked by a vicious foe called Fibromyalgia!
Fibro what she said, Oh please Mr. Fibro sir, please don't hurt me!
Sorry I have my rules and regulations this is gonna hurt me more than it will you! Where have I heard that before, enter Momma and the way the young lady was disciplined! She is still reeling from being attacked by Mr. Fibromyalgia and she cannot believe this kind of pain can go on and on and yet it does!

You've got to be kidding me!
This is not terminal oh really then why do I feel as though I am in the last stages of cancer or some other terminal disease?

So the young lady on the arm of her beloved hubby go to the
doctor and after waiting for a quarter past forever she finally gets to see
the doctor! She is filled  with terror for she has never been comfortable
with going to any doctor! What is he gonna find is wrong with me at this
time she hasn't got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, she and her hubby
are still trying to find out reasons for this horrible pain!

She's tries to just breathe and tries to calm herself before the doctor
enters the room! She is quietly praying, please God let this one
find out what is wrong with me so I can get back to my regularly
scheduled life already in progress! She thinks this is also more problems
in the financial department! The insurance only pays some and then
the rest is on her and hubby! When is that doctor going to get in this
room so we can get this over with?

Finally, here he is and what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. keeping
me waiting so long and putting me into an anxiety attack? Then she
said out loud It's nice to meet you too doctor! What can I do for you
mam? Well for starters you can give me something to stop this awful
pain and help me get some relief from this torment that I am in!

What do you think is causing me so much pain doc?

Ok mam, I don't know yet what is causing you so much pain, but
let's do some tests! Oh no you've got to be kidding me!
More tests, why? I have been to so many doctors about this and I have
got to get some answers or I'm afraid for how much longer this
can go on!

Well, mam I am not going to be able to make a determination without doing some testing! Oh ok, let's get it over with!
Ok, mam if you will put on this dressing gown and I will call you when I am ready for your first test, First test is that to indicate there will be more following? Ugggg :(

You've got to be kidding me! This is not a dressing gown, there is
nothing about it to indicate that you feel dressed in it and besides
that this dressing gown is suffering from *acutegaposis* in the back
it is very drafty in the back! lol :D And while I am at it Is it
completely necessary for every doctor to have it 10* below
zero in their offices? Whatever is plaguing me, I don't do cold
well at all, my hands and feet are always cold and now I feel
so much colder that I have this excuse for a dressing gown on!

While I am waiting I'll just read this magazine that has no websites
in it and no wonder it was published by the cavemen! I have read
so many old magazines in a kazillion doctors waiting rooms that
I think I could quote them chapter and verse!

Finally, Mam, if you will come this way we need to get some
xrays of your body and we want you to lay still on this old cold
steel table while we do your xrays! Ok, now I have *i sick cells*
hanging off my earlobes and my dressing gown of course is not covering
or keeping me warm like I am needing! The young lady is so
overcome by freezing temperature that her muscles seize up on her 
and she starts shivering and has to be completely still! Yuck
when is this stuff gonna be over?

Mam, we want you to come back to our lab in 40 eleven dozen weeks
for another test that we can't do today!

Meanwhile we need for you to go clear across the country to our
blood testing office and get about 15 vials of blood drawn, well
not 15 but there were a lot of blood tests done!

We have some medicine that you can take for the pain and we hope
that will fix you up for a while! Huh, what do you mean a while?
I'm gonna need something pretty strong to fight this pain and
fatigue! I'm so tired my tired is tired!!! Please do something sir
please do something or I may go play in the traffic!

The young lady is so mad she could chew nails and spit rust!!! grrr
You've got to be kidding me! Why is just getting ready for another
doctor's appointment such a killer for me energy wise I can't seem
to catch a break!

Weeks go by and Lord have mercy another doctor's appointment for
the doctor to do more tests!

Mam, this is called and MRI and we take pictures of things going on 
in your spine! We're gonna send you through this donut hole and you 
have to be perfectly still for the pictures to come out well! 
Hey doc, you've got to be kidding me! Can anyone say
Clostrophobia afraid of closets and other tight places! Thanks
doc, I really wanted to have another panic attack!

Fine, let's get it over with! ok, so here we go, now be real still! 

My point dear folks is that we have all had to endure too many 
costly tests that always come out "normal" and then you get the 
terrible news! We can find nothing physically wrong with you so 
this must be all in your head! Give me a large personal break and 
you've got to be kidding me cause if this were all in my head there 
is no way that I would give myself so much pain! If I could control 
it don't you think that I would control the pain volume too? 

Has these scenarios happened to anyone here, odds are they have 
on many occasions? Almost everyone I have talked with have told me
basically the same thing! The doctors said that it was *all in my head* 
I have been totally disrespected and misunderstood and it has been 
hard on my family as well! It just gets old, you know, to them to have 
to help me where I used to be able to do most things I set my mind to!

I used to be a secretary-receptionist and love that I have always 
loved typing and I love meeting new people and I love holding on 
to my old people, er I mean my old friends! 

I used to be a music director and that was funny how God worked all 
that out! I was an Avon lady and loved that cause since I discovered 
make up and hair styling it has been a joy to help other ladies find 
what they want! 

I used to be a great wife and mother and I took great pride and joy in being
that to my hubby and my children! I just feel like no one needs me 
anymore and they only call me every once in a while! Wish they would 
call me at least every weekend!

Excuse me I digressed, I happen to be guilty of that a lot more than I wish! With fibro fog (a confirmed foggie) and adhd, my mind takes turns being like this: 
ok, now somebody tell me why am I writing my blog and all of a 
sudden I take a while but I find myself staring at the screen of my 
computer! Then other times my brain is making my thoughts run 
wild and my mind is going 90 miles an hour or minute! 

I am trying to tell you this story of one of my myriad of doctors who 
told me THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD (again not hollering just 
making an emphasis of different things like in this case it seemed as
though the doctor was screaming an accusation in my face and ears!)

In my over 30 some odd years of fighting this dreadful disease and
going 25 years without a diagnosis, and way too many doctors of every
sort and fashion I have not been able to obtain all the answers that I
want! I am diligently seeking and doing extensive research to get the
bottom of this mysterious dreadful debilitating disease!

You've got to be kidding me! what do you mean you CAN'T FIND
I am not lying about all the symptoms that I have and how they
all puzzle me to distraction! Is the word can't find a cop out for I
don't want to take my valuable time to go into this far enough to get
answers for you and thereby gain relief for you and all the other
Walking Wounded Warriors!
I had one doctor that told me I can't treat you anymore because you have a multiplicity of symptoms and I will have to bounce you around to more doctors! He didn't actually say that but that is what happened! He referred me to an internist that was from Peru and excuse me I do not speak
Peruvian and he had trouble speaking English so we were just a
great pair!

I got to crying from the pain one day so badly that my best friend had to come back with me and she had to explain to the doctor what was going on, I was there but not exactly because I could bearly speak because the pain would take me almost out of consciousness! Not kidding here, not kid ding!!!

Father...Oh Father, Father forgive them for they know not what they
do! Father in Jesus name love and blood just now I release these
doctors to you and burden their hearts for the ones that need their
help! Please Oh Father, help us to walk in Forgiveness today just for
today and let tomorrow take care of itself because we know that You
are already there, Father! Father, please help us all to not just look
at the problem but *see* past all the pain and see with our Father's
eyes what He perceives from all that is going on with us!

This is my prayer in Jesus name love and blood I humbly pray all these
things Amen <>< {\O/} Psalm 91:11.......Psalm 9:1.......Psalm 119....

@Ilove you all .com :D Please leave your comment and your suggestions
in the space provided, if you think of a topic that is plaguing you please
share it with the class and I will read it and do my best to come up with
an answer for you or some semblance thereof!

Hugs, Love and Prayers, your friend to the end, Ellen

P. S. I would love to share a picture of my hubby and me on my blog and
it makes me feel good to have him with me like this! My problem is
I don't know how to upload anything! Is there one of my friends that
could help me??? Thanks a million!!! :D

Peace comes in the midst of the storms of life whether it be illnesses, pain or loss of a loved one or however your heart has been broken, you press on because nothing in the world can take the place of persistence! I always say
Prayer Patience and Persistence will help through so many rough places!
Remember I love you all and yall come back now, hear!!! ; )

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Walking Wounded Warriors"

Dear Spoonie & Foggies and all who read here at my blog,

Do you ever feel like you have been mortally wounded and just left for dead but the cruel joke is that even though you feel like you died...:( you are left breathing!) Breathing and receiving more blows and attacks against your body mind, heart soul and spirit! Awww come on Reeaaalllyyy? Let's see now, where does this barrage of weapons end? What's a body to do? Do you ever feel how much more of this can one human stand? Apparently, we seem to be
able to withstand more than the human heart can bear! 

Ahh yes the human heart is a very fragile creature and it must be fed a very special diet! Each day it must receive a diet fortified and enriched with a heaping helping of love overflowing to make it grow and flourish and thrive!
No human heart can make it without this main ingredient and there is no 
substitute for it because love overflowing makes the world go round! The heart is a wounded warrior from blows received many years ago that are still healing and you are the doing the walking! It has been found through extensive research that the only thing that can heal a wounded heart is Forgiveness!

The human heart has to look deep within to focus and concentrate on this thing called Forgiveness! It doesn't count unless it is genuine and sincere Forgiveness given to another human heart who has wounded it!

Our doctors, dear spoonies and foggies have wounded our hearts with constant barrages of "This is all in your head!" and the ever popular "I can't find anything physically wrong with you!"!!! Even though we know we are not making this illness up and God knows it too and it has wounded our human heart to the core, we must still help and teach that human heart to forgive!

The only way a human heart can be healed is through Forgiveness!

The Bible plainly states that the only way to be forgiven is through you taking the walk into forgiveness! I know it is hard I have had a lot to forgive and am still working on it daily! Right now, I ask your forgiveness that I have not been able to get a blog out every day, but I am one of the "Walking Wounded Warriors"and I have been having trouble finding more spoons!  

As I tell my Stories, I will allow you to know things I sure do wish hadn't
happened and the emotions with them! Be assured that all the emotions were shared at the time they were going on! Because of Forgiveness, I don't walk in all that rage anymore or in all that emotions of fear and disbelief anymore!

I said, Father how can I forgive all that has been done to me and how do I handle all that I have seen and heard and had done to me that I could ever
as you say, Forgive and you shall be forgiven! See Father that Easy for you
to say and Difficult for me, you are divine and I am not divine!

Child have you not read the Bible and have you not seen and heard that I was also put through things beyond belief and I forgave! Did I not say when I
was being crucified "Father forgive them for they know not what they do"

Child when were you crucified and hung on a cross to die in torment?

I was not crucified sir! Yes sir I remember that and I am so sorry that you had to suffer that!

Child am I gonna have to take you by the scruff of the neck and drag you kicking and screaming like a little puppy? Well, sir I may have to be one of those stubborn puppies it might take that I'm sorry! One thing Child stop saying you're sorry you are not a sorry person so don't say that ok!

Ok, why do I have to go through all this forgiveness stuff? Do you do this to all your children? Child you need to have more patience and just calm yourself do you think I am gonna take you to a place where I cannot keep you and comfort you and protect you?

So folks that is how I got to a place called *Fogiveness* and it took one night all night long of stubborn crying until I thought I am never gonna be able to cry again, I think I have cried every tear that I will ever be able to cry!

The Father took me from one place of choice to Forgive to the other all night long of saying in Jesus name, love and blood I cannot see this person but I forgive them for their sin against God and me! (I was to forgive them even if they were no longer alive) The Father took me all the way back to my childhood from the time I was first abused as a baby! Wow this was a very long path He took me down, maybe down but He lifted me up too in the end of it all!

Does anyone remember that beloved old hymn called "I Surrender All" and when you start it out it goes....All to Jesus I surrender all to Him I freely give I will ever love and trust HIM in His presence daily live! I surrender all!

That is what the Father taught me that I surrender all is a vow unto Him!

He taught me that is to be a daily vow, each day I surrender all of that day to Him so that if I have to forgive someone something It will come easier!

As a spoonie I don't have any trouble forgetting things so even if I do forgive
I must try to forget that situation except for one thing! That is if my remembering what I was walking in can help someone else by what I was taught, then I am to share all of it with someone it can help!

I want to be the Oasis a cold drink of water in the Desert dry thirsty land of fear and pain and illness that my experience tells them I do know and I do understand because I have walked in their shoes!

Uh oh, folks my dear spoonies and foggies I am running out of spoons and must pack it up and mosy on down to the old corral!

Happy Trails to you until we meet again! :) 

Please remember and never forget that I am doing this for us all and it may take me a while to find my way back here, but I will get here as soon as I can!
We are all "Walking Wounded Warriors" but remember battle scars happen but scars are a sign of Healing! That is what the Father wants for us!

Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against God!

When you forgive you do it for yourself that frees you from a prison of walking in anger, that is a desolate place to walk! Choose to walk even though wounded, in Forgiveness and choose Freedom for yourself and a place where you grow and beautiful flowers of light in the Garden of your Heart! This is a beautiful place to walk full of choices that will heal us, "Walking Wounded Warriors"!!!

Father, help us "Walking Wounded Warriors" to walk in Peace Love and Joy each and every day so that our hearts reach out to others! Please help us daily to walk in Forgiveness to the healing of our hearts and wounds! Thank you!
In Jesus Name, Love and Blood + Amen {\O/} Psalm 91:11

I love you all and look excitedly and expectantly to your return here!

Ok, am I ready to publish this post, I guess I am cause I am definitely out of spoons now! All who come here you are most welcome whether you are a spoonie or a foggie I Love You because It Matters to me about you!!!  (((((((ALL)))))))